Conservatives Weirdly Triggered By Being Called “Weird”, Like A Bunch of Weirdos
In other news: Thin-skilled bullies predictably cannot handle tiniest taste of their own medicine.
Across right-wing media, a burgeoning outrage has been sparked by the left-wing’s newfound usage of the word “weird” (and its synonymous variants) to describe their opponents across the isle. This growing epidemic of calling conservatives “weird” has only intensified the more it’s become apparent that it visibly gets under their skin in a way that using facts, logic, satire, or basic human decency has often failed to do.
Experts suggest that this is because conservatives have to believe in the notion of normality, and that they fit into it, in order to believe that they are right and others are wrong, so being called out as being the truly weird ones hits a deeper nerve for them than calling them by equally true descriptors as “cynical”, “craven”, “crazy”, “corrupt”, “amoral”, “hypocritical”, “conniving”, “bigoted”, “fascist”, and “pathologically unfunny”.
Patient Zero for the word’s recent widespread public utilisation through the ranks of the Democratic Party has been credited to Governor Tim Walz of Minnesota, who said on MSNBC on July 24th: “These are weird people on the other side. They wanna take books away. They wanna be in your exam room. That’s what it comes down to, and don’t, y’know, get sugar-coating this [sic], these are weird ideas.”
From there, other Democrats, and generally left-leaning people in the public eye, began slipping this innocuous-yet-effective insult into their discussions of Republicans and the right-wing in the days after. Kamala Harris, Pete Buttigieg, and Chuck Schumer (to name just a few) are among those who have gone on record using the word “weird” to describe Donald Trump, his ideas, his couch-fucking running mate J.D. Vance, Republican policies, and the weird beliefs and behaviour of the right-wing in general.
For most people who aren’t conservative tight-asses, “weird” can be a word worn with pride, if not merely regarded as a word too overused to have much meaning as a pejorative, when what’s normal and what’s weird are often subjective from one person to the next. But to conservatives, it’s everyone but them who are the weird ones, and to be weird is bad — hence their desperate need for tradition, uniformity, order, control, and the avoidance of change at all costs. Everything they think and say and do is predicated on maintaining their illusory fantasy of a perfect status quo, which suspiciously can only ever exist for the wealthy, the white, the patriarchal, and the evangelical. So to have any semblance of a mirror held up to them, portraying the reality that they’ve always been the weird ones here all along, rattles their cages like few other things do.
Though let’s be clear: everyone, regardless of where they land on any sort of spectrum — political or otherwise — can be weird in ways good or bad. But what makes it different with conservatives is that when they’re bad-weird, they try enforcing their own morality and vision of the world onto everyone else with the massive amount of power they pretend they don’t wield, what with their predilection for persecution complexes acting as though they’re always under attack from what they hysterically deem “the left’s attack on free speech”. (Never mind the fact that it’s the right-wingers who always want to burn books, ban movies, censor music, and crack down on any forms of artistic expression they don’t like in general. You know, like fascists do.)
You know who’s genuinely weird in a bad way?
Conservatives who prioritise guns over the lives of children killed by them.
You know who’s weird in a bad way?
Conservatives who think a foetus is a child with a soul worth protecting over the human rights and autonomy of the mother carrying it, yet as soon as the child is born, they couldn’t give a single fuck about using their political power to provide for these new generations they permit to go without food, without proper education, and without the expectation of safety from getting shot at school at any given moment.
You know who’s weird in a bad way?
Conservatives who fixate over trans people like a bunch of weirdos, demonising and marginalising a group of people who make up a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of the world’s population, have nowhere near the level of power and influence conservatives have in decrying their very existence, and who just want to live their lives in peace without the J.K. Rowlings and Elon Musks of the world (plus their cultish sycophants who hang on their every word) making trans people out to be some malignant monolithic phenomenon that came out of nowhere in the past decade (it didn’t), and somehow threatens “normal” people’s way of life (it doesn’t).
You know who’s weird?
Conservatives seizing on old liberal buzzwords from 5-to-10 years ago, and refusing to let them go, like a dog with its teeth clamped down on a toy it doesn’t want to drop. They’re the only ones who still use the likes of “woke” and “cancelled” and “SJW’s” in earnest anymore, stuck in a juvenile arrested development like a bunch of angsty 4chan-dwelling teen edgelords getting one over on the libs, while everyone else has moved on and evolved their lexicons and personalities and grown the fuck up, because that’s what actually normal people do.
You know who’s weird?
Conservatives not knowing what pronouns are, but hating them anyway, even though they use them all the time when they employ the English language to refer to each other as “he”, “she”, “him”, “her”, “they” or “them”. THAT’S HOW LANGUAGE WORKS, DUMMIES! Did they all flunk out of high school before learning this basic concept, or do they all have brainworms like anti-vaxxer weirdo Robert F. Kennedy Jr. says he had? Are these the kinds of later generations of spineless dweebs the CIA wanted to keep in power when they assassinated his uncle and his father? (Allegedly… but c’mon.)
You know who’s weird.
It’s not even a question anymore. You know who’s weird: conservatives throwing a hissy fit over one trans woman promoting Bud Light, and turning it into a pathetic spectacle of a nationwide childish tantrum, epitomised by Kid Rock posting a video of him shooting up a bunch of bottles of Bud Light… which he would’ve had to buy for his cupid stunt to begin with, meaning Bud Light profited off of his preposterous tizzy all the same, that dumbass jackass.
(Also, has anyone ever checked Kid Rock’s hard drives? Because I’d be mighty sus of a man who did a song for a kid’s movie like Osmosis Jones, and rapped the actual lyrics: “Young ladies, young ladies / I like them underage, see / Some say that’s statutory / But I say it’s mandatory!” What the hell was this redneck-cosplaying rich kid twat doing? Trying to strike a chord, and it’s probably A Minorrrrrrrrrrrrrrr?!)
You know who’s weird.
Conservatives acting like Jordan Peterson and Elon Musk are some of the smartest men in the world, when in fact, Peterson is stupid enough to have believed a picture of fetish porn was proof of an “unbelievable techno-nightmare CCP [Chinese Communist Party] hell”, and Musk is stupid enough to think “cis” and “cisgender” are slurs of greater insult than the N word being casually flung around by the racists running rabid on the Twitter now under his watch.
You know who’s weird.
Conservatives pretending the kid who failed to assassinate Trump was a liberal, when he turned out to be yet another far-right weirdo, as they always are, because 9.5 times out of 10, mass shooters and would-be political assassins always wind up having been radicalised by right-wing rhetoric from conservative grifters plying their trade and lining their pockets by spouting bigoted bullshit, blaming the world’s woes on everyone but the people in power, so as to deflect blame away from the corporations and private financiers funding their conservative propaganda.
You know who’s weird.
Steven Crowder always wearing a gun holster (usually sans gun), smoking cigars, and verbally abusing his wife to make himself feel like more of a man.
You know who’s weird.
Andrew Tate. His voice, his mannerisms, his Neanderthalic view and treatment of women, his dislike of books and reading (because if his followers were to open their minds by reading a book or two, they’d realise sooner that he’s a feckless fraudulent fuckhead), his vast portfolio of abhorrent criminality, and the suffocating air of smugness emanating so thickly from him that you could gag on his stink, the kind of stink that answers the question: “What if Lynx Africa wished to be a real boy?”
You know who’s weird.
Trump. Conservatives have to keep up the pretence he’s good-weird for the sake of appealing to the brainwashed cult of his fanbase, and they’ll even go so far as to outright say “he’s weird” as if it’s an eccentricity rather than a flaw, but Donald Trump is the bad-weirdest motherfucker on the planet. There’s weird, and then there’s Trump-repeatedly-referring-to-Hannibal-Lecter-as-a-real-person bafflingly weird.
You. Know. Who’s. Weird.
And let’s face it, even that word doesn’t encapsulate how off-putting their brand of weirdness is. But you know what word does tip the scales further into describing conservatives in a way that just might send them into further apoplectic conniptions of hilarious spluttering rage?
CRINGE.
They’re not just weird, they’re cringe.
Conservatives are cringeworthy. Conservatives are embarrassing. Conservatives are dinosaurs, whether by age or worldview or both, and they know they’re going just as extinct. They’re raging against the dying of their light, and it’s making them act like the morons we already knew them to be. It’s cringe. They’re cringe. Conservatives are weird and cringe.
Weird weird weird weird weird. Cringe cringe cringe cringe cringe.
Let those words echo in their ears and haunt their dreams. Laugh at them. Ridicule their ideas and behaviour. The world is burning, and Nazis are getting too comfortable. We don’t have time to be the respectful ones taking the high ground as if it makes us better than them, when all it does is allow them the rope to hang us with (figuratively, and if the especially fascistic ones obtain power, then quite literally).
Heed the recent electoral rejections of conservatives and the far-right in Britain and France. Know that they aren’t the popular ones, but they’re just the loudest and most obnoxious.
Let them wither and writhe in mental agony at being confronted with their weirdness and cringiness.
Never leave them free to flee from the knowledge of their weird cringe ways.
Make it burrow deep into their minds.
Just like RFK Jr.’s brainworms.
