30 Curious, Obscure, and Creatively Cromulent Words, Phrases, and Insults
For when you’re looking to expand your personal arsenal of putdowns and comebacks beyond the realms of effing and jeffing.
Lexicography is a wonderful thing.
The study of words and language, the strange and fascinating ways in which these words came to be, and how they have linguistically evolved over time, is a subject ripe for intellectual curiosity.
For instance: me even using the term “lexicography” is technically incorrect, because the proper word for this whole subject is more accurately “lexicology”. (The really weird and cool thing about this is that when you have to differentiate “lexicology” and “lexicography”, your best tools for the job are, in fact, the study of lexicology and lexicography themselves!)
Which brings us to this list of (what I find to be) quite interesting old words, phrases, and insults from times gone by, that can be used to describe anyone worthy of insulting, both without resorting to traditional modern-day profanity, and also without the insulted party being immediately privy to knowing that you insulted them in the first place…
#1. Abydocomist
An obsolete word in today’s lexicon, the etymology of “abydocomist” stems from Ancient Greek, and is an expression supposedly minted out of the name of an Ancient Egyptian city named Abydos, which the Greeks declared to be full of proudly dishonest, slanderous people — hence, an “abydocomist” is defined as “a liar or sycophant who boasts of his falsehood”.
#2. Bayard
There are a few colour- and horse-based definitions for “bayard”, but the primary one for our purposes herein is “one that is self-confident through ignorance; one firmly equipped with blind assurance”.
Relatedly, “bayardism” is defined as “ignorant presumption”, and another definition for the original derivation marks it as meaning “a clownish, foolish person”.
#3. Busy-Idle
An adjective from the 1600s, a “busy-idle” refers to someone being “busily employed in trivial matters”.
It’s also known by the delightfully Roald Dahl-esque alternatives: “niffle-naffling”, “fiddle-faddling”, and “spuddling”.
#4. Cockalorum
Either etymologically concocted out of the the Dutch onomatopoeic dialect term “kockeloeren” (“the cry of a rooster”), or from the (to-be-expected) English word “cock” (with an “a” + a Latin “-lorum” added for flair), “cockalorum” is defined as “a self-important person”, “a strutting little fellow”, and “a person who makes empty boasts.”
#5. Cumberworld
Not used nearly as often as the more commonly known adjective “cumbersome” (with both words coming from the verb “cumber”, which originally was defined as “to destroy utterly”), a “cumberworld” — also known as a “cumberground” — is “someone who is so worthless and useless, they just serve to take up space”, thus “cumbering the world”.
#6. Dalcop
Essentially meaning “a dull-head” — with “cop” being an old word for “head” — a “dalcop” is defined as “a particularly stupid person”, “an idiot”, and/or “a mad-head.” Similarly, there’s the variation of “harecop”, which is a “hare-brained” person.
#7. Drate-Poke
A quaint old English word that sounds like the name of a rich Victorian country estate (because “Drate-Poke Manor” feels like it ought to be a place that exists, right?), a “drate-poke” is “a drawler”, or “one who speaks indistinctly.”
#8. Fanfaronade
Derived from the Spanish words “fanfarrón” and “fanfarrónada” (developed to describe “the verbal claptrap blared by blowhards”), a “fanfaron” is a boastful braggart, and “fanfaronade” is their empty and shameless swaggering self-promotion.
#9. Flub the Dub
An old American slang term (also known as “flub-dubbing”), to “flub the dub” means to “avoid one’s work or duty,” “to think, work, and move sluggishly and haplessly,” and “to fail by blundering.”
#10. Fustilarian
Possibly etymologically linked to the word “fustilugs” (which sounds like a lost Harry Potter spell), and perhaps best known as an insult exclaimed by Falstaff in Shakespeare’s Henry IV, Part II — quote:
“Away, you scullion! You rampallion! You fustilarian! I’ll tickle your catastrophe!”
— there are a couple of definitions for “fustilarian”.
One is “a low fellow; a stinkard; a scoundrel,” and the other is “someone who stubbornly wastes time on worthless things.”
#11. Gillie-Wet-Foot
A wonderful wee phrase that you should only be able to hear in your mind be spoken with the voice of Billy Connolly, a “gillie-wet-foot” is an old Scottish term for “a worthless fellow who gets into debt and runs off” — and although its other definition isn’t necessarily relevant to mention, I thought it was mightily hilarious that it can also mean “a running footman; also, a bum-bailiff.”
A BUM-BAILIFF!
#12. Gnashgab
A northern English word from the 18th century, a “gnashgab” refers to “someone who only ever seems to complain.”
A similar phrase would be “nashgab” or “nashgob”, which describes “garrulous or impudent talk.”
#13. Greenhorn
Hypothetically etymologically derived from either Middle English, misappropriated German, 17th century jewellery-making jargon, or simply referring to an animal with horns that are young and green, the phrase “greenhorn” is American slang for “a person who is new to — or inexperienced at — a particular activity.”
#14. Huff-Snuff
A phrase from the 1500’s, self-explanatorily combining “huff” and “snuff” (with both denoting “anger”), a so-called “huff-snuff” is “a fierce, bullying person”, “a conceited fellow who gives himself airs, and is quick to take offence”, and one “who scoffs loudly at others, but remains entirely oblivious to his own misdeeds.”
#15. Joblijock
A piece of old Yorkshire dialect from the 19th century, “joblijock” is a word for “anything tending to interfere with domestic comfort or peace”, as well as “the name of the cock turkey”, or just “a turkey-cock.”
#16. Kibitzer
First known to have been used in the 1920’s, “kibitzer” is a Yiddish term for describing — either generally, or specifically with regards to someone in a card game — “one who looks on and often offers unwanted advice or comment” about anything and everything.
#17. Klazomaniac
Sourced from the Greek word “klazo” (meaning “to scream”), and first coined as part of a diagnosis of “klazomania” in the 1920’s by a doctor observing a patient with post-encephalitic Parkinsonism — which is related to the maladies suffered by the patients in the Robin Williams/Robert De Niro film, Awakenings — a “klazomaniac” is “a person who seems to only be able to speak by shouting.”
#18. Lubberwort
Originally a 16th century name for an imaginary plant with intelligence-sapping properties, a “lubberwort” is both a type of “food or drink that makes one idle and stupid” (i.e. “food of no nutritional value/junk food”), and subsequently, “a nickname for a lethargic, fuzzy-minded person”.
#19. Mumpsimus
A surprisingly cute insult that sounds like a yet-to-be-caught Pokémon, this word supposedly originates from a story about an illiterate priest who, while saying mass, mistakenly said “mumpsimus”, instead of the correct word, “sumpsimus” (Latin for “we have taken”). When the priest was corrected soon after, he refused to change his “mumpsimus” for his critic’s “sumpsimus”.
#20. Ninnyhammer
Perhaps etymologically a shortened alteration of “an innocent” (the “n” from the “an” thusly attached to the “innocent” noun), with “hammer” adding a little punch at the end, a “ninnyhammer” is basically just “a simpleton” or “a fool”.
This word has mostly fallen by the wayside, but you can find it being used by Tolkien in The Lord of the Rings. Quoth the book(s):
“You’re nowt but a ninnyhammer, Sam Gamgee!”
#21. Nod-Crafty
A term coined in the early 1600’s, a “nod-crafty” is someone who is “given to nodding their head with an air of great wisdom that they don’t actually have.”
On a related note: if a “nod-crafty” is smart enough to keep their mouth shut, they are then also a “mumbudget”, which is an old phrase for “keeping quiet”.
#22. Scobberlotcher
Another 1600’s word, credited by John Aubrey in his book, Brief Lives, to the then-President of Oxford’s Trinity College, Dr. Ralph Kettell, who supposedly had an inventive way with words when it came to flinging invective at the College undergraduates, with such language-gobblefunking efforts of his including “rascaljacks”, “tarrarags”, “blindcinques”, and our featured word herein, “scobberlotchers”.
Possible antecedents include the regional English phrase, “scopperloit” (stemming from the Dutch “leuteren”, which is where we get the word “loiter”), and the other possible source may be “scoterlope” (“to wander aimlessly”).
In any event, “scobberlotcher” ultimately means “an idle person,” and “someone who never words hard.”
#23. Scogginistic
Directly synonymous with the word “balatronic” (which is defined as simply “a buffoon”), “scogginistic” takes it a step further, by being the definition of “a dangerous buffoon.”
#24. Skelpie-Limmer
A tricky word to define, this one. Certainly borne from old Scots dialect, “skelpie-limmer” was created by the Scottish poet, Robert Burns.
However, different dictionary sources diverge on the individual and combined meanings of both words. For instance: “skelpie” can mean “deserving to be smacked; naughty”, and the addition of “limmer” then makes it specifically directed towards “a mischievous girl, a little hussy”. (Ouch. Bit harsh.)
But then, “skelpie” can also mean “a little-worth person” (with “skelper” and “skelpin” defined as “striking” or “slapping with an open hand”), and “limmer” (or “limmar”) can mean “a scoundrel”, “equivalent to a thief”, and/or “a woman of loose manners”. (Again with the casual misogyny? Come on now.)
#25. Slumguzzler
A brilliant Old West slang term from the 1800s (that also sounds like a candy made by Willy Wonka), “slumguzzling” — and therefore, a “slumguzzler” — means “to engage in deceptive or fraudulent behaviour.”
#26. Snollygoster
An American political slang term that appeared in the US in the late-19th century, “snollygoster” — (possibly derived from “snallygaster”, being a mythical beast that preys on poultry and children) — refers to “a shrewd, unprincipled person”, and “a politician who cares more for personal gain than for serving the people”.
#27. Snoutband
Another whimsical Old English phrase, a “snoutband” is a person “who constantly interrupts a conversation, typically only to contradict or correct someone else”.
This type of conversational interaction is most often seen among disingenuous conservative commentators (though I suppose “disingenuous” is implied, and therefore redundant), as well as basically every heated and silly debate ever held between pop culture nerds who heavily, and un-ironically, employ the phrase “um, actually”.
#28. Sumph
An 1800s Scottish noun of uncertain origin, “sumph” is defined as either “a dunce; a blockhead”, or as “someone who is surly, sulky, and wilfully disagreeable, particularly in the morning”.
#29. Throttlebottom
Named after the character of Alexander Throttlebottom (presumably not a canonical distant cousin of Neville Longbottom), from the 1932 musical comedy Of Thee I Sing, a “throttlebottom” is a derogatory noun for “an incompetent holder of a public office.”
And finally…
#30. Ultracrepidarian
Etymologically evolved from the Latin phrase, “ne sutor ultra crepidam” (“let the shoemaker venture no further”), and pulling simultaneous noun and adjective double-duty, an “ultracrepidarian” is “someone who holds forth on a subject they know absolutely nothing about”, and the overall concept of “ultracrepidarianism” is “the habit or act of giving opinions on matters outside the scope of one’s knowledge”.
Coincidentally, I myself was also an ultracrepidarian when I wrote this very listicle, as I am absolutely not a Susie Dent-type expert on any of the stuff I’ve just talked about! All I did was a metric heck-tonne of hours of Google-based research and fact-checking to the best of my ability, so that I didn’t knowingly spread misinformation, nor embarrass myself too terribly.
In any case, I hope we all learnt a little something new and/or interesting today from this little list.
Originally published at https://vocal.media, in a version that was geared to be much more politically topical for the cultural climate of the time when it was first written.
This iteration is retooled to be focused solely on the various words’ definitions, and their accompanying trivia, so as to make the overall article work on its own informational terms beyond the satirical context of its original form.
